Core Values Help Define Deal-Breakers

It can be extremely difficult to leave a relationship with someone who you

• deeply love

• feel attraction towards

• adore

• admire

• share a history with

• invested much into

• are passionate about

It can be extremely difficult to leave a job or other circumstances in which you

• possess a lot of knowledge and expertise

• continue to gain experience

• get to live out your passion and/or abilities

• have networking opportunities

• invested much

Why would anyone leave either of those situations? Why would anyone choose to give up on something or someone who is so valuable to him/her?

It usually starts with uneasy feelings tugging at you. It continues with trying to change oneself, and even others, in order to cope, in order to stay. And further, it involves bargaining and arguing with self and/or others to try to get rid of the dis-ease.

How can you explain your dis-ease to yourself and to others—especially when you really don’t want to let go?

It’s very likely that the reason you feel dis-ease is that you’re going against your core values. It’s very helpful to know this when faced with such a heavy dilemma because it gives you a place to stand and a frame-of-reference for discernment.

Make a list of your core values. Here is an example core-value list:

• truth

• honesty

• trustworthiness

• transparency

• forthright communication

• collaboration: ability to give & receive input and ideas

• personal-responsibility

• self-awareness

• accountability

• strong moral & work ethics

• principled

• gratitude

• integrity

• reliability & dependability

• humility in the form of desiring to learn and grow

• belief in, and reverence for, God

• strong boundaries with self & others

• protective of self & loved ones

• dedication to self & loved ones

• loyalty to self & loved ones

Once you’ve made your core-value list, ask yourself if you would be willing to give up any of those core values. If so, remove those from your list. Now look at the relationship, job, or other circumstance which is unsettling for you. Are any of your core values being violated or compromised?

If your core-values are being violated or compromised, you’ve encountered your unique deal-breakers. You have your answer; and now you have the language to articulate it. “This violates my core values. These are deal-breakers for me.”

Be aware that you will likely experience much grieving about your decision. But the grieving process is better than what happens when you compromise yourself and the very foundational life values which keep you within your integrity and are a large part of who you are.

Sticking to our core values allows us to wisely make decisions and choices, and to trust ourselves that we will be able to handle whatever comes up.

Do you need coaching? Please contact me. I’d love to help you.