Red Flag: “I’m too Sensitive”
“I’m too sensitive for a relationship,” my Ex told me when we started a friendship. That was magic to my ears, as I had been told I was too sensitive my whole life. “Too sensitive” to me meant, “I’m too sensitive according to insensitive people.” And further, my version of sensitivity has also meant I am sincere, genuine, ethics- and principled-focused—especially irritating to insincere people. So I assumed that’s what Ex meant by sensitivity too.
Well. I sure learned the hard way what my Ex’s versions of “sensitive” is.
My Ex’s “Sensitivity”
Situational / self-focused: reacts mainly to Ex’s own discomfort or inconvenience.
Performative: shows vulnerability or emotion when it’s convenient or elicits attention.
Avoidant: uses it as an excuse to evade responsibility, accountability, or difficult decisions.
Non-structural: does not link emotions to protecting or strengthening the relationship.
Momentary: intensity appears briefly, then disappears; does not sustain connection.
Self-serving: emotional expression is mainly to manage perception or get empathy.
My Traits
Relational / other-aware: notice and respond to others’ needs, feelings, and perspectives.
Authentic: show emotion and care that reflects true intent and alignment with values.
Accountable: emotions and actions are tied to responsibility, loyalty, and protection.
Structural: feelings are part of a larger system that supports the bond.
Consistent: my care, attention, and emotional investment are sustained over time.
Generative: my love and sensitivity strengthen, not manipulate, the connection.
What my Ex called “sensitivity” was self-protective and performative, while my sensitivity is relational, consistent, and structurally aligned with the bond and my life, integrity, and ethics.
Do you need to talk with someone who is Pro truth, Pro reality, Realist, Genuine, Sincere? I’d love speak with you.