Red Flag: “Hurt” or Rageful from Your Seeing Truth

Since early childhood, my mother would stonewall me, completely cut me off, as well as mob smear me with my siblings and whomever else.

My sister and one of my brothers would also hang up and me and stone wall me. My sister even joined my Ex (they had never spoken before I ended my partnership) in smearing me.

When my dad moved in with my Ex and me, he turned on a dime and lied about my character to anyone who would listen.

My Ex lived parallels lives to deceive and confuse me. And would get rageful, violent, and threaten me physically or emotionally. Or else Ex would cry and seem fragile and hurt—and then shame me for not not “caring,” not having enough pity and not consoling enough (though, it seemed very contrived and manipulative—I have a very reliable intuition and sixth sense). I was shamed about not “believing” my Ex’s narratives.

My Ex’s mother (just like my Ex) would dodge questions, pretending to not remember and/or to seem too fragile to be asked such questions.

All of them would gaslight and confuse me. I wouldn’t be privy to the truth.

They would shame me for being who I am and living how I live and needing what I need to give and receive in relationship. My mother managed to shame me for existing—which I carried within me on varying degrees until very-recently.

There are others too.

What do all these people have in common?

They all run false narratives about who they want to believe they are. They all seem to believe they can invent whatever they want to be seen as, at any given moment, and even based on who is around. This, to me, a very dangerous form of gaslighting (psychological abuse).

If I expressed my needs, if I was seeking shared reality and cohesion, if I was trying to collaborate and work on mutual repair, if I showed any sign of hurt or disappointment (even in the subtlest of ways), if I pointed out discrepancies, if I questioned the narratives, if I pointed out something unethical they were doing, this triggered them to be malicious in the above ways.

They all projected their garbage onto me, scapegoated me, saying I was the one with the problem (and unfortunately I willingly took it on as my fault and problem to repair).

Don’t you DARE imply or suggest that they are not who they say they are. Don’t you dare interrupt the fantasies in their head. Keep your mouth shut. Smile. Be “happy.” Go to “sleep.” Comply and agree with their narratives. Or else you will pay!

I’m so disgusted that I tolerated this most of my life and truly believed something was wrong with me. I believed it was my fault they behaved as they did and that I couldn’t just buck up and kow tow to them with a smile on my face. It was my fault that I couldn’t convince them to end to their poor behavior—and as such, I believed I deserved it.

They might seem like they are getting away with their deceit; but I know for sure it is eating away at their spirits (and quite possibly, their bodies too).

Stay far, far away from people who lie to themselves. Remember: people who lie to themselves, of course lie to you too; it couldn’t be any other way. When we stay away from these people, we also avoid the repercussions of their false narratives.

Do you need to talk with someone who is Pro truth, Pro reality, Realist, Genuine, Sincere? I’d love speak with you.