Spiritual Bypassing: Brick Wall
How many times have you heard statements like the following from people:
You should just forgive and forget.
I’m whole by myself. You should be too.
You expect too much. You need to let go.
I choose peace. I hope you do too.
Being nice is the most important trait.
I don’t live in the past like you do.
You better respect me as your parent.
The Bible says to not judge.
You should no longer live from your ego.
I trust ‘Spirit’ and I suggest you do that too.
We are all one.
This is called spiritual bypassing. It’s a form of dissociation: a tactic used to not have to hear you, relate to you, and share reality with you.
Usually, the person using any such statements (presumably unconsciously) relies on shaming, projecting and ultimately ignoring your perspective, experience, discernment and challenges in order to not have to see truth, to not be uncomfortable. When trying with these people, they only leave you without someone to process and share with, and to have to work hard to sometimes stay sane while you’re left stranded to carry it all!
To me, their behavior looks like someone plugging their ears, saying over and over, “I can’t hear you. Nah nah nah nah.”
I am sad to say that with such people in my lifetime, I took their dismissive responses as my cue to try harder, explain better, and essentially pour out more of myself in attempts to create closeness and a deeper level of connection where feedback and interactions were actually relevant, applicable, highly-attuned, honest, meaningful transparent, vulnerable, collaborative, meaningful.
It’s not that I wasn’t aware of the blockage they were creating. My intuition, discernment, and attunement were very accurate.
It’s that I didn’t see it as signs to shut up and get away (this is where my trauma came in—”Keep trying, Amy. You’re not doing it right.”)
I finally know that many people don’t want to know, don’t want to see, don’t want the truth.
I wish I could go back in time to tell my youngest self this information. I would have saved myself so much heartbreak, self-punishment, and vibrancy.
If you need someone who wants to understand your perspective and provides support from that starting point to get to where you want to be, I’d love to speak with you. Pro truth. Pro reality. Realist. Genuine. Sincere.