How Do You Feel With Them?
It's so important to pay attention to how I feel when I'm with a person. If I would have focused mostly on this throughout my entire life—including with my own parents—I wouldn't have been involved with most of the people into whom I invested.
My childhood trauma was such that I thought it was my responsibility to carry the emotional and intellectual load (because I have the ability, the EQ, the willingness, the drive for closeness and connection) with the hopes that we would eventually become close and connected. Decades later, I learned that this is false.
Who the other person is out in the world, as well as alone--versus what they say they do and want—matters to me in the form of
what they do with their time
how they behave with attention from other people
(do they need strangers to notice them?)
what they are impressed by
what they are focusing on
what and whom do they invest in
Who they are out in the world, and alone, is still related to how I feel with them. It largely has to do if I trust them and feel safe with them. While I’m focused on and devoted to our relationship, in all my decisions and choices, are they scattered elsewhere? Are they dissociated from our relationship, their choices, and themselves?
I’m disinterested in waiting around while the other person goofs off elsewhere. My time, energy, gifts are too precious to be wasted and disrespected (no casting pearls before swine). And for me, relationship is about what we create together—not my being a groupie or the other person feeding off my energy and attention.
Do you need to hone in on your relationship needs? I’d love speak with you. Pro truth. Pro reality. Realist. Genuine. Sincere.