Living in the Past
Some significant people in my life who I cared about would, anytime I tried to resolve issues and/or to create a discussion where we could potentially relate to each other, tell me that I was still “living in the past,” and that they don’t “live in the past.”
I realize now that this was their way to try to shame me into silence for…
My desire to deep dive into the relationship.
My wanting truth, transparency, honesty.
My requesting self-reflection from them.
My looking for some accountability for what happened.
My looking for their acknowledgement of my experience & validation that it matters.
My desire to hear their full perspectives: how they see me, what they want with me and from me, what they expect me to tolerate etc.
My willingness to take accountability for my part in the problems.
My seeking relational reciprocity: their relating to my needs, ethics and values.
My willingness to trouble-shoot the issues together
My desire to figure out if alignment is possible—especially pertaining to each of our needs, ethics and values.
My looking for repair of the relationship through honest conversations, accountability and mutual understanding.
I'm not interested in a "comfortable" relationship. I'm interested in truth and sharing reality. I'm interested in being with a person who also desires to learn, grow, heal and to incorporate changes based on anything that disrupts trust, closeness, sacredness and safety in the relationship (seeing the other person’s feedback as a gift—to know how to self improve, mature and have strong ethics and character.
Do you need support in unplugging from people who try to shame you for your needs ? Please contact me. I’d love to help you.