No Privacy Except from Loved One?

I was in a relationship with someone who had no problem using facial and fingerprint recognition on a cell phone; running all sorts of apps on a cell phone; using Alexia (aka the volunteer Big Brother spying device); using cameras on and in the house; sharing personal information with coworkers and bar buddies; responding to (unable to resist) anyone’s attention; allowing random people to take up my partner’s time, focus, and energy; and when single, my partner let almost anyone share intimacy—i.e. have my partner’s body and desire—when the offers were presented due to my partner’s lack-of-boundaries; willingness (i.e. lap was open); and low standards. (Some people call this kind of person “cheap” or “easy.” Nothing is sacred.)

Yet.

While in a relationship with me, I had to pull teeth to try to get to know my then-partner. I was excluded from knowing most of the people my partner knew, who my partner interacted with, what was exchanged between the parties, what my partner did apart from me, what my partner focused on and put energy into, and essentially my partner’s inner life and world. I was excluded from the truth—including what my partner honestly wanted and didn’t want. I was always given the run-around. Answers were evasive and slippery—if answered at all. I was blamed for caring about things that “anyone else” wouldn’t care about (implying something was wrong with me).

(Why was I with such a person? I was fed a lot of lies, told a lot of stories of similar trauma experiences, told many times that my partner wanted the same things and that we were absolutely on the same page, and I was flooded with confusion—mixed with some good things: lots of time together, shared responsibilities, and acts of service. My abilities allowed me to see the trauma and the potential underneath the lies and dysfunction. My trauma had me believe in this person and willingly carry the emotional and intellectual load while trying to access the deep, authentic, faithful person I was sure was underneath the nonsense.)

Plenty of people allow almost anyone have a pieces of themselves, yet are dismissive avoidant with those whom they supposedly have close relationships with. It’s completely backwards.

I want nothing more than to deeply know from the inside-out, and be deeply known from the inside-out by, the one person who I love and who loves me. I want to include my person in everything—the one and only person with whom I don’t need any privacy. With that, comes the deep desire for protection of self (mind, body, spirit, emotions), the other person in the relationship, and the relationship itself—holding all of the above as sacred and precious.

If someone gives themselves away to people and circumstances that aren’t benefiting the relationship, consider ending it. You deserve much more than that. And certainly you don’t want someone who anyone can have a piece of—not with what you have to give in a relationship.

Do you need support with your dignity and self-respect? Please contact me. I’d love to help you. Pro truth. Pro reality. Realist. Genuine. Sincere.