Oh, So You’re Perfect?!

People who say to me, “Oh, so you think you’re perfect?!” show me that they don’t understand that having integrity and strong values, principles and ethics doesn’t mean being a perfect person.

I have done many things I regret—mostly to cope with mismatches and my thinking something was seriously wrong with me (especially rooted in my upbringing) which I couldn’t figure out how to fix as hard as I tried.

I have made many mistakes. I wish I could have a complete do-over starting in adolescence—with the knowledge I have now (especially the knowledge about who I am, what I have to offer, what I need, and what I was and am dealing with relating to family-of-origin and people in general).

Even though I understand the root of my issues, all the way back to childhood, I still take full responsibility and accountability for my choices since adolescence. (But I’m not hard on the child I was because I was still a child trying to find my way through with parents who didn’t like me.)

Having integrity and strong values, principles and ethics means that I don’t need anyone to tell me when I’ve done something wrong. I know it in my spirit. I know because of my standards I have which I measure myself up against as well. And I ask God for forgiveness and I self-correct. And if I do get feedback about something I didn’t realize I was doing which doesn’t line up with my ethics and my relationship, I also self-correct.

In my most significant adult relationship to date, I was labeled as controlling after-the-fact by my ex partner who told I was “controlling” to my family-of-origin member who I had intentionally been in no-contact with due to smear campaigns and stonewalling. What my ex really meant by calling me controlling was, “I myself don’t have strong integrity, morals, ethics, and principles; and as such, I don’t self-correct. So Amy tried to teach me these things—things I should have learned in childhood but still refuse to learn or care about now. The kicker is that I let her try to teach me as I allowed her to believe I really wanted to operate this way. My stringing her along, letting her orientate fully to our relationship, allowed me to have a scapegoat should she no longer put up with my choices, and then I could blame her instead.”

There is much emotional safety in having integrity, telling the truth to oneself and self-correcting. I won’t be in another relationship with someone who doesn’t also have this foundational operating system and who doesn’t self-correct. I have finally learned it’s not my job in relationships. I just don’t anymore get involved with people with whom I can’t hit the ground running.

Someone who doesn’t have strong standards and axioms, and doesn’t self-correct, is not a trustworthy, safe person.

Do you need support in getting away from untrustworthy people? I’d love speak with you. Pro truth. Pro reality. Realist. Genuine. Sincere.