Panic Presence

Learning to feel safe when doing life alone has been a very rocky road and has taken a very long time. I’m still working on it, though I’ve made a lot of progress in the last year.

When panic sets in, my body responds in ways which trigger more panic. And it snowballs.

I’m learning how to just stay present with myself without trying to stop the panic nor the reactions. It’s incredibly difficult.

I just figured out something that’s helping me. I came up with the following statements which I just repeat aloud over and over as I go through the panic attack:

I’m freaked out, but I’m staying with you because I love you and because I love me. And because we matter.

I realized after I came up with those statements, that was what I did for the people in the past who I loved but the relationships caused me a lot of pain. I did panic (freak out) but I stayed because I loved them and because they mattered to me.

So it’s interesting how this is going full circle, back to me. And being here for myself, really being here, without trying to fix myself. For the first time in my life.

This will get easier as I retrain my nervous system to trust me, trust that I’m not going to leave myself (via going back to a toxic but familiar relationship, trying to not have needs, trying to tolerate, trying to fix, being responsible for what’s not mine, withstanding bullies, trying to not be hurt, or otherwise beating myself up).

Do you need to make peace with managing everything by yourself? Please contact me. I’d love to help you.