Red Flag: “I Just Need Time”

I was told by my Ex, “I just need time…” Time for what? It was always difficult to get the truth out of my Ex. But putting the pieces together, essentially, Ex was saying, “I just need time to figure out (or to want to) act like I’m in a committed relationship when you’re around.”

I had compassion for my Ex. My Ex had been single for about eight years. And before that, Ex’s relationships were compartmentalized, dramatic, juvenile, and disloyal. Also, my Ex was emotionally-neglected by family-of-origin. Ex’s mother showed almost zero emotions or reactions, and always had a little pleasant smile and used a little meek voice when she did speak. Besides room, board, and acts of service, my Ex was mostly left alone to manage self and life.

I thought that my Ex hadn’t had any examples of a deeply committed, sacred partnership. So because of how much I loved my Ex, and because of my attunement and empathy, I allowed for many, many excuses.

Now I know: If someone says, “I just need time…” I would say, “I hope that works out for you.” And walk away.

I’ve done, and continue to do, decades of intense emotional, intellectual and physiological work. I won’t again be with anyone who has spent their lives goofing off and/or avoiding and distracting themselves.

It’s very disorientating to be surrounded by people who either don’t get it or won’t go deep—or both. Do you need to talk with someone who is Pro truth, Pro reality, Realist, Genuine, Sincere? I’d love speak with you.