Red Flag: Self Romance

My Ex as well as some acquaintances and probably many others seemed very content without a close relationship. I figured out that these people have a secret, self-contained, self romance. Between their own stimulation, and absorbing external stimulation from a variety of sources, they don’t need a committed romance. Additionally, their relational ethics and standards are low or non existent.

So I—who am wired and equipped for a deep pair-bonded relationship—is not very valuable to these people other than perhaps scrap-level stimulation.

I offer

• one central bond

• mutual prioritization

• structure

• being known, seen, and accountable

Ex and others like Ex organized themselves and their lives around

• autonomy

• self-stimulation

• low accountability

• multiple low-depth inputs

• secrecy

So from Ex’s perspective, what I offer wasn’t “precious and sacred.” It was instead restrictive, exposing, and incompatible with Ex’s reward system. My kind of person will see what I have to offer as precious and sacred—the opposite of how these people see me, my abilities and standards.

People who don’t need co-processing, co-creating, deep relating, relational investment, coherency and being known and knowing another, mutual consideration, and/or input and perspective, etc. most likely have a self-romance. That’s a big red flag and deal-breaker.

Do you need help honoring what you need? I’d love speak with you. Pro truth. Pro reality. Realist. Genuine. Sincere.