What’s Behind the Mask

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been able to see under people’s masks into the psychology and nervous systems. I have used this ability to figure myself out as well. Of course, it greatly helps me in my Integrity & Insight Coaching.

Chase Hughes, author and speaker on behavioral science and tactics development, came up with categories for this, which I typed up here:

What's going on in a person's psychology instead of and behind their masks:

• Hidden layer behind the masks:

  • needs

  • fears

  • decision types

  • deep values that actually run people

• Needs
  which shape social behavior; these reveal deeper fears, insecurities, childhood issues

  • significance

  • acceptance

  • approval

  • strength

  • intelligence

• Decision pillars
  dictate every choice made and how he/she has mapped reality since age 10

  • deviance

  • novelty

  • conformity

  • necessity

  • social

  • investment

• Values
  what future a person is chasing, his/her end goal

  • freedom

  • recognition

  • connection

  • growth

  • experiences

  • information

My ability to be able to see behind the masks resulted in a long road to finally stop thinking I need to fix this about myself.

This information is very useful in deciding who to be in a relationship with and how involved to be with people.

It also had been a weakness for me in the form of seeing potential (a person’s needs under the mask) versus accepting what the person really values.

My last partnership was with someone who highly needs -- I finally figured out (read: finally accepted), despite this person reciting beliefs of love, commitment, faithfulness over and over, aka love-bombing -- especially with strangers and other insignificant people: significance, acceptance, and approval. And this person makes decisions based on novelty, conformity, social, investment (especially investment in novelty, conformity).

Whereas I highly value strength and intelligence. I make decisions based on necessity, investment and deviance. Not a match whatsoever.

However, I met this person before I fully accepted my abilities to see under the mask, what I absolutely need in relationship and my willingness to deal with the dread of being alone until I get it. But going through that last final replica of my upbringing had to be done, to get to where I am now.

I want to be with someone who also has this level of nervous system and psychology awareness, in addition to our matching in values, needs, and decision-making pillars--all of which I finally know is crucial for me, albeit rare to find in another person.

Do you need help figuring yourself out? I’d love speak with you. Pro truth. Pro reality. Realist. Genuine. Sincere.