The ‘Exclusive, Sacred Bonding’ Seat
I believed I had found my person. At first contact, I imprinted on and assigned this person to the Exclusive, Sacred Bonding Seat in my life. Attraction, adoration, and enthrallment flooded fully. I poured all my attention, care, devotion, and awareness into understanding, relentlessly oriented toward mutual deep knowing, and sought closeness across every dimension: emotional, physical, spiritual, and energetic. I placed this person on a pedestal and invested full presence while striving for shared, enmeshed lives (“level 5” relationship per Dr. Wes Carter). I trusted the Exclusive, Sacred Bonding Seat would be honored and treated as sacred.
I did this before verifying alignment—axioms, ethics, needs, lifestyles, and relational orientation—and assumed this person would honor the Seat, especially given a lifetime of similar trauma from emotional neglect and plus all the affection directed to me. I made it my mission to help this person align with me and the words and promises spoken to me.
Here I was, holding total adoration, love, and attraction for this person, while the Seat was never honored or reciprocated. I have realized about myself that once someone occupies the Seat, removal is extremely difficult for me—even under repeated betrayal, even without full commitment. The only person I ever allowed in the Seat continued to occupy it even after the I ended the relationship.
I had never experienced this level of attraction, devotion, imprinting, and relational activation in me before. When it activated, it confirmed something essential: the full system exists in me exactly as I had always wanted and believed in. What frightened me about letting this person go was the belief that if the Seat became empty, I would lose access to the only living reference point for that capacity. Letting go felt like risking permanent emptiness in both a part of me that had only recently been able to fully express itself, but also my life itself. I feared never again encountering someone who elicited this configuration of desire and to whom I wanted to give everything.
After years of emotional digging, I finally understood that the feelings for this person were never located in another person; the person was simply the first stimulus activating a configuration of full-body, exclusive, organizing, all-in desire and devotion within me. An empty Seat does not mean the configuration is gone; it is simply unassigned. I no longer keep the wrong occupant in the Seat to preserve access to that wanting. My desire exists independently of who first triggered it. The Seat can remain empty without losing that wanting and my relational abilities and needs.
I also saw that by mentally holding this person in the Seat, I was effectively “cheating on” my future person: the one who will match me fully, reciprocate completely, and deserve it entirely.
So, to my True Love:
I am saving my Exclusive, Sacred Bonding Seat for you. It is completely and fully vacant for you and only you.
What the Exclusive, Sacred Bonding Seat Holds
This Seat holds all that I am capable of giving in a partnership, and it is waiting for the person who will honor and match it fully. It includes:
My full attraction, attention, and devotion: emotionally, physically, spiritually, and energetically.
My noticing and adoration for quirks, unique traits, and everything that makes my person special to me.
My desire for closeness and intimacy in all dimensions.
My deep attunement, presence, and attentiveness.
My willingness to share everything about myself.
My desire to understand my person completely: trauma, coping, interests, opinions, beliefs, desires, struggles, fulfillment, etc.
My commitment to enmeshed, co-created lives: “Level Five”
My readiness as strong allies and foxhole partners.
My drive to protect the relationship and its sanctity.
My desire for shared decisions, collaboration, and involvement in each other’s lives.
My constancy, reliability, and unwavering commitment over time.
My joy in celebrating my person fully: essence, being, efforts, awareness, growth, healing, devotion, etc.
My capacity to hold space for my person’s full humanity with empathy, deep understanding, relating and resonance.
My prioritization of relational ethics and sacredness.; this partnership is central.
My ability to challenge and be challenged, for shared ethical and emotional growth.
My capacity for trust and vulnerability: being fully seen and known.
My energy for shared creation, tasks, and life-building.
My focus on exclusivity. This Seat is empty until the one who deserves it arrives.
Physiological & System-Level Dynamics
Physiological desire: body-level pull: pheromones, sensory attraction, nervous-system activation.
Imprinting drive: immediate assignment of singular importance and exclusivity.
Devotional orientation: spontaneous prioritization: organizing time, attention, and life around one person.
Attentional lock-in: sustained focus; diminished interest in alternatives.
Meaning consolidation: the relationship becomes a central reference point for life purpose and future.
Permission to go all-in: no holding back, no contingency thinking, no partial investment.
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