"You’re Too Serious”
My whole life I’ve been told things like
you’re too serious
you think too much
you’re so shy (when I was young)
you’re moody
you’re never happy
you’re too intense
your standards are too high
you want too much
you care too much
you need to lighten up, have a little fun
I subconsciously felt shame for decades for being serious, contemplative, very aware and perceptive, and having high standards for relational expectations (both of myself and others). I thought something was wrong with me. I so badly wanted to learn how to be bubbly and light-hearted all the time—especially to free me from literal and implied scrutiny, which is essentially society-wide.
I realize now that anyone who has told me these things has this in common:
very low tolerance for not being emotionally-soothed and emotionally-regulated by others
via performance, song-and-dance, chit chat, smiles, etc.
via others going along with their own self-concepts and internal narratives—regardless of conflicting actions, choices and patterns
operate in a low-investment or casual relational mode
dissociative from their own emotions, challenges, wants, needs, actions and choices
disinterested in deep growth and healing
choose willful blindness
disinterested in relating, resonating, and aligning with anything which isn’t superficial and easy / soothing
disinterested in standing on integrity, ethics, standards, truth and honesty
refusal to acknowledge consequences of actions and choices
compartmentalize themselves, their lives and relationships
lacked in coherence
spread themselves across many shallow experiences and associations
superficially looking “good” and feeling “good” is top priority
as such, inability to live in deep, ethical, meaningful shared reality, perspective and alignment with another
All which those people have in common, points to why they made those comments about me. My just being myself inadvertently held up a mirror which they didn’t want to look into, and showed them what they are not and what do not want to look at and deal with.
These people lacked the capacity, the interest, the ability to meet me and to reciprocate where I reside, function and orientate.
I see clearly that all of my depression and sorrow in life has really only stemmed from not having an allyship with someone at my level (“level five” of relationship engagement and skill").
What an eye-opener for me. I don’t take those comments to heart anymore. Their comments only show me who they are: someone I steer clear from.
I am playful and humorous—but not casually or for public consumption. This side of me is reserved for the people I truly love and trust as part of my relational investment and bonding—not a performance, entertainment or filler. Otherwise, people usually just get my seriousness and strong boundaries.
Ready to address what others say about you? I’d love speak with you. Pro truth. Pro reality. Realist. Genuine. Sincere.