How I Do ‘Relationship’
Most people measure relationships by charm, kindness, playfulness, enjoyment, or emotional stimulation.
I used to think that qualities I admired in a person were my “in” to form a deep, close relationship. After decades of failure in getting my kind of relationship, I see now that any surface qualities I might like are irrelevant to me unless there is full structural alignment.
Unfortunately, I assumed anyone I invested in had the same structural alignment as me, but it was my job to coax it out of them by proving to them that I indeed am deep, conscientious, attuned, and real. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. That is not my job. And if they aren’t living it, it is not there to coax out.
Thanks to the straw that broke the camel’s back, my last relationship, I have dug deeply into my relational and life needs—recognizing how life-long gaslighting and mockery had me convinced I was flawed in, and ought to be ashamed of myself for, wanting such structural alignment. Now: I stand strong, firm and sovereign in this. No one will be able to gaslight me again.
I now expect the same as what I have to offer to be reciprocated from the start. There is no more seeing potential, no more teaching an adult how to be a mature and deep adult, no more believing words and favors over red-flags and deal-breakers, no more assuming similar trauma equates to similar values and desire for a precious relationship…
I will hit the ground running with another who has done the work and is like me:
I require a shared life system, not casual attachment or temporary comfort. Everything I do, and everyone I allow into my inner world, is governed by axioms, structural relevance, and high-stakes alignment.
1. Shared Ethical and Behavioral Standards
A relationship requires agreement on what is right, what is wrong, what is appropriate, and what is inappropriate.
Without this, trust and accountability are impossible.
Alignment here ensures that life can be co-processed together predictably, and moral decisions are mutually supported.
Structural alignment in ethics is non-negotiable.
Without this, we cannot have shared reality and feedback is irrelevant.
2. Discernment of Society
A partner must share the same lens for understanding the world:
We both see the superficiality, performance, and dissociation in most people in society.
Neither of us fall for it, are tempted by it, or want it.
This shared perception ensures the relationship is immune to distraction, social games, or performative behavior, focusing only on what truly matters.
Without this, we cannot have shared reality and feedback is irrelevant.
3. One Ally, One Foxhole Partner
I require one person, one partner, one ally, to do everything in life with.
This is exclusive interdependence, meaning all structural attention and energy are focused on this single relationship.
Friends are shared only; no side relationships, no private emotional or social channels.
Co-processing, co-creating, and collaboration in all decisions is essential: every action considers the other person, the relationship, self-growth, and the long-term consequences.
Without this, we cannot have shared reality and feedback is irrelevant.
4. Complete Knowledge and Intimacy
A meaningful partnership requires knowing everything inside and out about each other.
This is not emotional closeness alone, but structural, moral, and operational knowledge.
Both partners must understand each other’s decisions, reasoning, and frameworks fully.
Co-processing life depends on this depth of understanding.
Without this, we cannot have shared reality and feedback is irrelevant.
5. Exclusivity and Protection
Exclusivity is critical:
Only one partner occupies the inner-world slot.
On account of all of the above, we both see and feel how precious the relationship is.
We both protect ourselves, each other, and the relationship with full attention, care, and our lives.
All personal growth, healing, and moral development happens within the context of the relationship, considering structural alignment at every step.
Without this, we cannot have shared reality and feedback is irrelevant.
6. Shared Axioms and Standards
Foundational Axioms:
There is objective right and wrong.
Actions matter more than self-description.
Intent does not override impact.
Integrity applies even when no one is watching.
Accountability is required for closeness.
Truth is more important than comfort.
Reality must be faced, not reframed away.
Exclusivity is required for interdependence.
Shared axioms are required for attachment.
The relationship is a living system that must be protected.
Relational Standards:
Agreement on right/wrong, appropriate/inappropriate.
No lying, cheating, or attention-seeking outside the relationship.
Shared friends only; no private side relationships.
Co-processing, co-creating, and collaboration in all decisions.
Mutual accountability to God and conscience.
Full transparency.
Loyalty and protection under pressure.
7. Comparison to Most People
I want a shared life, structural alignment, high stakes, exclusivity, co-processing, co-creation, accountability, moral alignment.
Most people want emotional validation, enjoyment, low obligation, independence, attention, identity affirmation, connection without consequence, and optional integrity.
Key difference: I track structure and impact. Most people track intent and self-image.
Conclusion
Superficial traits, charm, playfulness, or emotional stimulation are irrelevant without alignment.
Alignment requires shared axioms, moral agreement, discernment, exclusivity, co-processing, co-creating, collaboration, and deep mutual knowledge.
The relationship that meets these requirements is rare, precious, and high-stakes.
This is not casual or negotiable. Everything else, friendships, acquaintances, social stimulation, is irrelevant and off our radar.
Do you need to talk to someone else who understands your high-stakes and axioms? Please contact me. I’d love to speak with you. Pro truth. Pro reality. Realist. Genuine. Sincere.