What is ‘Alone’ Time?
My version of "alone" time is not having to react or respond to anyone for consecutive minutes (sometimes hours) of time.
Alone time with and around those who aren’t my loved ones:
Alone time is different pertaining to people who I don’t deeply love; I like as much time away from those people as possible. But in a work setting where alone time is difficult to obtain, it is very helpful to have consecutive minutes (or more) where I don’t have to respond or react to anyone.
Also helpful is to minimize my responses and reactions as much as I can get by with. Like I wrote in my Sacred Partnership blog post, “I don't feel responsible for strangers', customers', acquaintances' emotional dysregulation (just because I can feel it, just because I know they need me to be warm with them for their unmet needs).”
Alone time with and around those my loved ones:
I have had plenty of "alone" time while being with and around people I've loved: I have had consecutive minutes and hours of time not having to react or respond to each other, but we were still available to each other for random comments, questions and spontaneous affectionate gestures. .
This works the best with people with whom I have an emotionally-safe and trusting relationship, we have integrated lives, a lot of time with and around each other, shared reality, loyalty. That foundation creates a strong sense of safety and security for those in the relationship—making alone time around each other quite calming to our nervous systems.
Alone amongst people:
Without a trusting and close relationship, being alone amongst people is extra lonely for me. Also, when I was around relatives and people who I didn’t trust and wasn’t deeply-connected with, I was also very lonely.
Alone without trusting partnership:
Being without a trusting and close partnership makes being alone in general pretty tough. Like a ballroom dancer without a partner. A professional tennis player without someone to play at a high level with.
I have had to learn to create inner peace with myself and with God, to trust I can handle whatever comes up with God’s help and protection. I have put my energy into ethical and healthy self-care. And I just allow the feelings of loneliness without it paralyzing me.
Be a match in the area of being alone:
Make sure whoever you chose to be involved with has the same, or complimentary, version of alone time as you.
Do you need help sorting out what being alone means to you? Or are you struggling with loneliness? Please contact me. I’d love to help you.