Red Flag: Those Who "Don’t Need” a Relationship
There are people who I have actually really liked and wanted to be close friends with, but yet I could not seem to reach them—including relatives but also potential friends and an actual partner who I deeply loved so much.
I willingly made it my responsibility to try to emotionally reach them; to get them to see I’m trustworthy via my time investment, my vulnerably sharing and my ability to deeply relate, resonate and empathize. I also have a very reliable intuition and can easily read people and identify trauma in people—which can allow for their having one person (me) who is incredibly supportive in deep healing. But reaching these people never has worked.
I thought something was wrong with me for not being able to reach these people. I thought something was wrong with me for being bothered by this. I thought something was wrong with me for wanting genuine closeness with them. I thought something was wrong with me for not being as “enlightened” as them (as they seemed to not be bothered by much, they seemed to not need close relationships, they seemed so content with their lives, etc.).
Well, now I know the truth.
There actually isn’t and never has been something structurally wrong with me as far as relationships go, my emotional needs, and my abilities.
Those people all are dissociative. They even dissociate from themselves. They lie to themselves about themselves. And if they lie to themselves, they probably lie to others too.
Those people don’t value depth, high-stakes, or deep relationships.
Instead, they value…
impulsive pleasures
novelty
flitting in and out of relationships, environments and situations
entertainment
“looking good”—to include traits like
being “cool”
being sexually desirable
seeming harmless
seeming virtuous and “nice”
seeming emotionally safe and approachable
complying with lies, and with corrupt and contrived narratives (including their families’)
absorbing sensual stimulation, including
attention from others
via voyeurism
performing whatever characters they want to be seen as
compartmentalizing themselves, their lives and each of their contrived characters they play
moral relativism
superficially fitting into groups and environments which give them all of the above
… all within their own contained virtual world.
By “contained virtual world” I mean, they are able to generate all of the above by themselves—giving the illusion of self sufficiency. Which means, they do not need deep, real relationships with real people.
Many times such people also seem to have either a subtle or overt air of arrogance—which also fooled me into thinking they were more “enlightened” than me. But now I know their arrogance comes from their contained virtual world: they don’t need anyone. There are no high-stakes for them: they don’t fear losing anything or anyone because they are always able to obtain their superficial supply of pleasure: in real life and virtually. They aren’t accountable to anyone, don’t have to consider anyone but themselves.
I was in a relationship with and know some other people who are into varying degrees of porn (even regularly programming, ads, and even how many people dress and act in public, push the envelope to “soft” porn) and other sensual stimulation. They essentially have a romance with themselves in their contained virtual world.
None of these people need a relationship! None of these people will care if they are with you or not!
They all made me feel odd for my deeply needing a relationship! I thought something was seriously wrong with me for needing sacred partnership! I thought something was seriously wrong with me for being so serious (which is my really meaning business, taking people/life/relationships very seriously and sincerely, and having integrity)!
I need co-processing, co-creating, shared reality, and a strong advocate and ally in life: all of which I also deeply need to give to another. I know now that this is a very healthy and mature way to be—and unfortunately, it is very rare.
Be aware that some of these people will deny “not needing” a relationship (i.e. claiming to be unhappy without a relationship) if they know that you need a relationship—as my ex partner did. Yet, every single thing I’m saying applies to my ex. So that was yet one more lie I was told.
Now I know that people who don’t need or want a relationship are actually emotionally-dangerous people for someone like me (I’m not shallow, superficial or flippant). To me, it’s actually very disturbing and creepy to be surrounded by such people…and also and especially to have made myself so completely vulnerable with these kinds of people. Yikes. I have also recently realized that not realizing who these people really are, is actually my only life trauma; and has affected me physically: the body keeps the score. But now that I know, rapid deep healing is happening by the Grace of God.
I have written many articles on my blog. My blog reveals my journey of peeling away each layer of cognitive dissonance caused by early and on-going gaslighting and scapegoating. God has made me someone who is absolutely resilient in digging and getting to the root and to the truth. The content of this article is a major part of what I’ve uncovered to the root.
It’s very apparent to me now that my fight for Life and Truth includes making a stand for sacred partnership and allyship.
Are are a few applicable articles I’ve written:
Do need to talk with someone who is Pro truth, Pro reality, Realist, Genuine, Sincere? I’d love speak with you.