To the One Who Asks for Help
So many times, acquaintances who talk to me about my coaching, articles, and perspective — yet, are not looking for my help, and are not saying, “I really want to improve my life, can you help me?” or “I really want to do the work to feel better, can you give me some ideas? — generally tell me things like, “You’re judgmental. You should give people a chance. Not everyone learns at the same pace. No one’s perfect. Your expectations are too high. Your perspective isn’t the only perspective, you know. I could talk to anyone on the street, or at my job, and they would all disagree with you.”
I can easily meet people where they are if they want my help. My empathy, intuition, awareness, attunement, personal emotional-healing work, and life experience make it easy for me to meet people where they are and to find ways to relate to them.
The key, though, is that I now will only invest my efforts and time meeting a person where he/she is, if it’s to walk with him/her towards expressed improvement he/she desires and he/she is actually doing the work themselves.
I spent too many decades meeting people where they were, carrying the emotional and mental load and effort for both of us, only for it to go no where because the other person didn’t want to improve anything (he/she only wanted me to accept things as-is and be happy about it)
When it comes to dealing with people, in general (which means people who don’t want my help in improving their lives and how they feel), I must have strong boundaries for myself. I am not a superficial, shallow, performer type; so being around people who are looking to me to perform and pretend with them, is really difficult for me. It drains me and makes me feel even more alone and irrelevant in life.
Doing decades of emotional healing work, and trying to fix crappy relationships, have led me to such a strong boundary. The ones who won’t see that this is crucial (or who otherwise don’t want to understand and relate to me) are the ones I stop sharing with—which is a big part of my boundaries too. I thank God for finally learning this—something I wish I would have learned at age 3. Truly.
To the one who asks me for help, who is willing to do the work, I am very dedicated, willing and able to help you.
To everyone else, I’m irrelevant and I actually find that a blessing, now, as someone who needs to preserve my energy and protect my spirit in order to keep functioning in society.
Do you need support with setting boundaries when dealing with people? I’d love to speak with you. Pro truth. Pro reality. Realist. Genuine. Sincere.